YRAURBEF

Time and space. Exactly what I have asked for. There is so much room for thoughts and choices.

I realized that the space created allows room for all the uncomfortable feelings to be felt. Between waves of joy and flow, the shadow arises. From I am so grateful to be here, and  I feel blessed and inspired to who am I, and what am I doing?

Aside from this digging into my purpose, the recent heartbreaks came more prominently to the surface and blocked the road I thought I was walking on.

Some blockages need to be removed before the journey can be continued.

How do I want to spend my energy and with whom would I like to share it looking forward.

But head aside, what does my intuition tell me when the fog in my brain vanishes? 

Is this warm feeling in my belly and chest actually intuition and love or rather conditioning and attachment?

Maybe there is a way where body, mind, and soul align.

I unpacked. Literally and emotionally.

I discovered that movement and connecting to the sensual part of myself is a key element for that. 

I went to ecstatic dance, joined kundalini classes, and tried to shake all that got stuck out of my system, I surfed on waves on got smacked by them, hit back during Muay Thai class, walked on the beach while listening to children audiobooks and joined vinyasa flows.

I spend time in solitude and felt an internal battle between my heart saying yes and my mind raging. 

I observed a constant battle, confronting me with uncomfortable and intolerable facts.  

In solitude, a new companion appeared: her name is anger.  So I invited her into my space.

Hi Anger, what can I do for you. Like a stubborn child, Anger was laying under a blanket for way too long, waiting to be seen and heard. So I asked her: Why are you so angry? 

And wrote down what I received.

Facing this with compassion felt like taking a step forward and backward at the same time, a split. It was a relapse into the past, hurtful moments, and a healing step forward.

I realized I need to consciously decide which leg I want to be my standing leg now. The angry, heavy one, or the one that wants to move forward. 

Listening to Anger felt healing but it’s also time to raise the vibration and move forward with love.

A word that has come up a lot on this journey is integrity.  

Integrity means truths, honesty, openness, and accountability. I am exploring how respecting myself and my loved ones, no matter where they are works. How I can say no thank you with love, and live in integrity myself. Integrity is a trait we must explore for ourselves, even though we wish we could support the people we love more.

We have all heard the sentence In case of emergency, air masks will drop the ceiling. If you are traveling with a minor, please put on your own mask before helping the minor.

I need to put on my own mask first and start where we all started – with a deep breath.